What was the reason why I have always failed in love and always found the wrong people? 60.5>19

[ninadefuego]

Until today, in my love life, I have always encountered people who cheated on me, lied to me (even their name) .I wasted years of my life on such people. I asked them the reason for my failure and the answer I got was;
60.5 (Limitation)> 19 Approach
Nucleer Hexegram:
5th line of hexegram 60:
“Any limitation you would impose on another must first be accepted and practiced by yourself. Be gentle, innocent, and truthful in all things now.”

" If, however, a man in a leading position applies the limitation first to himself, demanding little from those associated with him, and with modest means
manages to achieve something, good fortune is the result. Where such an example occurs, it meets with emulation, so that whatever is undertaken must succeed."

I mean, I don't understand. It can't be because of my extreme behavior that they cheat and deceive me (which I really didn't have extreme behavior except for 1 relationship) It can't be because of their cheating either, but hexegram shows that. I don't think that's why I meet toxic people.Is my extremism the reason why they cheated on me, took my money and disappeared, lied to me with their names, cheated on me with every woman they could find? I don't know. (The men I'm talking about here are all different people. So there is something wrong with every man I meet. )

Am I too naive or well-intentioned, do I need to limit this? Or should I not write to them before they write to me (This is not valid in every relationship, sometimes they write all the time) I have never understood especially the hexegram number 19.

 

[Trojina]

I think thanks to a bad commentary, I'm not sure which one you are quoting but it isn't what the I Ching says it is a commentary on what the I Ching says, you have misled yourself with this one. Whose commentary is that ?

Until today, in my love life, I have always encountered people who cheated on me, lied to me (even their name) .I wasted years of my life on such people. I asked them the reason for my failure

Your failure ? I wouldn't say this was something to feel you failed at. Perhaps you didn't pick up on sign and signals these people were no good that's all or if you did something in your background or upbringing desensitised you to those signs and signal or maybe there are great many liars in the world and you were unlucky.

I asked them the reason for my failure and the answer I got was;
60.5 (Limitation)> 19 Approach
Nucleer Hexegram:
5th line of hexegram 60:

Asking for reasons on such a thing is difficult as there could be myriad factors playing into the situation and of course is it 'my failure' ?

You have 60, Measuring, all about well measures, limits, the way things are divided up and apportioned including emotional measures, degree of involvement and so on. The name is connected to the knots in a bamboo stalk, a picture of someone measuring food out by using these

Oracle

'Articulating, creating success.
Bitter articulation does not allow for constancy.'

So it's an act of measuring, just as measuring out one's cereal in a dish is a life supporting thing to do, so one doesn't over or under eat, if we go too far in that, are too harsh with it, that is 'bitter articulation' and we can't go on with it. It's a clear picture, as an example that is, of the meaning of 60. And of course it doesn't only apply to food but relationships, love life, feelings, self expression, space. So that's what your answer is highlighting to you.
Whatever is going on here it's a matter of measure in some way.

The Image tells one how to act

'Above the lake is the stream. Limiting.
The noble one carves out and calculates the measures,
She reflects on de in action.'


The 'noble one' is you and they are shown making measures

You have one line changing so that is central to the interpretation, here 60.5 which does not say this

“Any limitation you would impose on another must first be accepted and practiced by yourself. Be gentle, innocent, and truthful in all things now.”

That is someone's interpretation of what Yi says which is

'Sweet articulating, good fortune.
Going on brings honour.'

This line isn't pointing out a failing to you it is saying here I think 'well done, you noticed that your relationships are often with deceptive people and you are weighing that up, you are in the process of discerning. 'Sweet articulating' means using measures that aren't harmful or difficult but allow one to go forward. Keep on thinking about this, keep on weighing it up

19, Approach as relating hexagram here stresses this is about going forward into the future more than it about looking backwards to find reason of failure.

But at the same time the answer does suggest to me you are going in the right direction in attempting to figure what goes wrong here especially in how things are weighed out between you and the other. Might there be early warning signs in smaller things, I don't know like if someone 'forgets' their wallet on the 2nd and 3rd date so you have to pay that's a thing to 'add up' in your mind and reckon with.

To be honest it doesn't seem a terribly direct answer and it certainly isn't highlighting a failure of yours at all it is saying what good fortune it is to use sweet measures.

My sense is in that just in asking the question you made progress, that Yi is saying 'yeees she got it, keep thinking, keep articulating/measuring/weighing' note what is given and received in terms of time, attention, money, everything. While that sounds calculating it appears this would be a good direction for you. Also it could be this pattern won't continue, that next time it will be more balanced and controlled for you.

 

[ninadefuego]

I think thanks to a bad commentary, I'm not sure which one you are quoting but it isn't what the I Ching says it is a commentary on what the I Ching says, you have misled yourself with this one. Whose commentary is that ?



Your failure ? I wouldn't say this was something to feel you failed at. Perhaps you didn't pick up on sign and signals these people were no good that's all or if you did something in your background or upbringing desensitised you to those signs and signal or maybe there are great many liars in the world and you were unlucky.



Asking for reasons on such a thing is difficult as there could be myriad factors playing into the situation and of course is it 'my failure' ?

You have 60, Measuring, all about well measures, limits, the way things are divided up and apportioned including emotional measures, degree of involvement and so on. The name is connected to the knots in a bamboo stalk, a picture of someone measuring food out by using these

Oracle

'Articulating, creating success.
Bitter articulation does not allow for constancy.'

So it's an act of measuring, just as measuring out one's cereal in a dish is a life supporting thing to do, so one doesn't over or under eat, if we go too far in that, are too harsh with it, that is 'bitter articulation' and we can't go on with it. It's a clear picture, as an example that is, of the meaning of 60. And of course it doesn't only apply to food but relationships, love life, feelings, self expression, space. So that's what your answer is highlighting to you.
Whatever is going on here it's a matter of measure in some way.

The Image tells one how to act

'Above the lake is the stream. Limiting.
The noble one carves out and calculates the measures,
She reflects on de in action.'


The 'noble one' is you and they are shown making measures

You have one line changing so that is central to the interpretation, here 60.5 which does not say this


That is someone's interpretation of what Yi says which is

'Sweet articulating, good fortune.
Going on brings honour.'

This line isn't pointing out a failing to you it is saying here I think 'well done, you noticed that your relationships are often with deceptive people and you are weighing that up, you are in the process of discerning. 'Sweet articulating' means using measures that aren't harmful or difficult but allow one to go forward. Keep on thinking about this, keep on weighing it up

19, Approach as relating hexagram here stresses this is about going forward into the future more than it about looking backwards to find reason of failure.

But at the same time the answer does suggest to me you are going in the right direction in attempting to figure what goes wrong here especially in how things are weighed out between you and the other. Might there be early warning signs in smaller things, I don't know like if someone 'forgets' their wallet on the 2nd and 3rd date so you have to pay that's a thing to 'add up' in your mind and reckon with.

To be honest it doesn't seem a terribly direct answer and it certainly isn't highlighting a failure of yours at all it is saying what good fortune it is to use sweet measures.

My sense is in that just in asking the question you made progress, that Yi is saying 'yeees she got it, keep thinking, keep articulating/measuring/weighing' note what is given and received in terms of time, attention, money, everything. While that sounds calculating it appears this would be a good direction for you. Also it could be this pattern won't continue, that next time it will be more balanced and controlled for you.

Thank you very much for your detailed comment. I have never thought about it from this point of view. I can be too giving in relationships and sometimes I can't see what is in front of my eyes and trust everyone too much. Maybe this is what is meant by measure. Don't trust anyone one hundred percent in the first place, I-Ching tells me. It’s telling me to use moderation. Maybe that's what it’stalking about. Yes, I think and question a lot about my past failures and the people I come across, because these people hurt me because of a behavior pattern that I did without knowing it. Maybe the measure here is my trust.

 

[marybluesky]

I'd says you had bad experiences because you failed to follow the line's advice: imposing sweet measures, agreed upon by both parties, and going forward honorably according to them.

Sounds like lack of proper boundaries?